Make faces! Eat like a normal person! Have boundaries! Cut it with the freakin guilt!

If we want to raise powerful girls, we don’t need to just tell them about it, we need to show them how to do it. As modern parents we tend to spend a heck of a lot of time worrying about how we are raising our kids. But most of the focus is on the kids – are they eating the right things? Watching too much TV? Getting enough discipline? But what about us? In the end, our kids are learning just as much (if not more) from who we are being as they are from how we are parenting.

If we think more about the “who we are being” aspect of parenting, and less about the “am I being a perfect parent” part, maybe we could have some fun! So here are my ideas on how to raise a kick-ass girl!

1. Make faces

I think we’ve all seen the mom who would rather hide behind the camera than have to go in front of it. No doubt your husband is out there hamming it up for the camera, making faces, silly poses, and god knows what else. But when the camera turns your way, you get uncomfortable being at the center of attention, maybe tossing out a comment about how awful you look or how you are having a bad hair day. Stop it already! Our girls are watching and noticing that men have a good time in the spotlight, whereas women avoid it. How are our girls to lead without being comfortable with attention? So, be a good mom, when the camera turns to you, give a big smile, and maybe a pig nose.

2. Eat like a normal person

I know, I know, you have food sensitivities and you are on a diet. That’s fine, I’m not asking you to eat anything that will make you sick or to consume 10,000 calories in a single sitting. But, if the whole family is having pancakes, could you please just eat one? And yes, with the damn syrup. Do I hope my kids eat healthfully when they grow up? Absolutely. But even more so, I hope that they have a positive relationship with food so that they can enjoy food for the magnificent pleasure that it is. But how can they, if their mom won’t eat pie? (Or appropriate gluten-free alternative)

3. Have boundaries

I have a confession to make – sometimes I really need to get away from my children, but they are still there, in my house. Touching me.  So I tell them to get away from me. Literally “get away from me, don’t touch me.” Cause sometimes I just need some space. Now, I’m pretty sure there are some parents who are thinking this is a low point in parenting, that I should suck it up and give up a snuggle. But seriously, they are touching me and I don’t feel like being touched. I think we are good at setting boundaries for our kids (time out if you do that again) but bad at letting ourselves have boundaries with our kids. I’m going to put out a (perhaps self-serving) theory that it is a good thing to teach girls that it is okay to have boundaries. Even if you wanted to snuggle the last 150 times, today you need some space, so get away from me.  Really. Unless you have a boo boo.

4. Cut it with the freaking guilt

Seriously, stop it already. What is all that guilt teaching them? That no matter how hard you try, you can never be good enough. That love is only real with a serving of guilt on top. That only perfection will do. Is that what we want them to believe? So, for the sake of your children, cut it with the mother guilt. Okay, fine if you want to indulge during a weekend in Vegas or a long business trip, but does it have to be every damn day? You are good enough. And frankly, if you aren’t good enough, all that guilt ain’t making you any better.