As somebody new to twitter who has been reading a whole lot of blog posts lately, I can’t help but notice that the quality is, shall we say, highly variable. I’m pretty sure I could spend my whole life just reading lists of completely obvious things, so here’s my list.

1. If you want to be trusted you need to trust people first

This really should be obvious, but I’ve noticed it is a bit of a blind spot for those who have a hard time trusting. They think trust is something you can just earn or give away, like a coin. Actually, trust is more like a phone connection, it’s not there unless both of you are on the line.

2. Don’t be mean, people don’t like that

Let’s be honest, leaders have to say a lot of hard things. Some of those things, people aren’t going to like. But, there is a big difference between saying things that are hard and being mean, and people notice. Indeed, a coworker once noted it was mysterious to him that I am really tough but people don’t hate my guts. He pinned it down to “you are never mean to people.” Whaddayaknow? That actually makes a difference!

3. You can curse with people, but not at them

I actually offered this up as a piece of mentoring advice to a protégé about a month ago. It was a bit tongue in cheek, but in my opinion, rather sound advice. Cursing in the workplace can be fun, it builds camaraderie in the tough times, helps break the ice, can help build authentic trust (I swear!). But you absolutely must not swear at people. Because that is mean, and rude, and you will regret it.

4. If you want to be respected, you absolutely must not show the world your cleavage

I work in a male-dominated field, so I realize this rule may not apply everywhere. But I imagine it applies most places. If you want to be respected, you need to keep it under wraps, because once you have revealed yourself, so to speak, it just can’t be undone. I’ve seen a lot of younger professionals make the mistake of too sexy clothing or the friendly flirt. Great if you intend to stay a junior engineer forever, not so great if you plan to advance in the world. Now in case you want to accuse me of being sexist, I will note that this rule applies equally to men.

5. Everyone is afraid

I’m going to admit that everyone is not equally afraid. But they are afraid. Knowing this fact is one of the keys to confidence. People who lack confidence manage to think they are the only ones. Several years ago I had a coworker say to me “But Nicki, you aren’t ever afraid are you?” Well, yes indeed I am, very frequently, just like everyone else. You know why? Because I am not a sociopath.

Hmm, now I am getting the urge to write 5 completely obvious things about parenting. Sounds risky, but I hear fear is completely natural!